This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
