saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
