i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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