I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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