My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
