idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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