It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
