So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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