Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
