We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
