that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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