Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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