sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
