I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize