drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
