My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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