i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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