I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
