the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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