I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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