I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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