Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
