Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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