They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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