Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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