get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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