I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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