He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
