One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
