she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
