Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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