Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
