Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
