dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You are a genius and a whore.
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