Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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