This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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