I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
