i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize