so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
