I think I am morally bankrupt
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
