Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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