i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
