I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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