from now on my penis is your penis
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
