i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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