my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
All I want is dick and wine.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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