he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
