I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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