i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
