Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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