Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
