yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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