He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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