u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
