Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
