Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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