also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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