farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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