You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
