so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize