Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
