i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
