What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
They took my balls.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
