Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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