I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
