we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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