i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
