i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
