That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I deserve this hangover.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
