Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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