when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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