so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
