You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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