just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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