im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
