I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
