I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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