It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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