fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
