We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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