Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
