U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
