Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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