My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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