its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
