Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
