YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Who died my cat blue again?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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