This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I could make wine with my vomit
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I believe in your delicious
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
