booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I woke up under a house in Key West
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