i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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