do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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