I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
