Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
