The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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