im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i drank out of a bidet.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
