plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
