so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
